Dear Santa,


I know this will come as a surprise to you, as you haven’t heard from me in quite a while. In fact, that may well be the reason why I haven’t had a peep out of you for more years than I can remember.


Anyway, if you don’t mind, could we wipe the slate clean and start again? And in that spirit, would you excuse me for thinking big for Christmas 2019? It’s not as if I’ve been pestering you for ages, and you’d make an old man – this old man, I mean, not you – very happy. For what it’s worth (and while this hasn’t always been true of me), I’ve been a very good boy for several years now; I take plenty of exercise and have even cut back on the booze.


If you are coming down my chimney on December 24/25 – and, yes, I know that’ll be difficult as (a) I don’t have a chimney and (b) even if I did you’d be unlikely to be able to fit much of the swag I’m asking for into it – be sure to check the refrigerator, where you’ll find a few bottles of fizz ready to crack open. Help yourself – it’s the least I can do.


We’ve both been around so long I almost feel I know you. So cheers and – can I say this to you? – have a great Christmas, Santa.